umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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