I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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