What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
