I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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