I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
