last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
