Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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