god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
