we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
