NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
