I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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