hotel room ftw
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is wine microwaveable?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
