we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
