I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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