He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize