you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
