You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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