remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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