Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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