If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
