her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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