no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
