Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
