he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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