Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i will never coherently bang her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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