It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
