Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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