mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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