I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
