He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
