I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
