I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
