Swine flu. Run for my life!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
