I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
