I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
