It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
