I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i have herpe
just one?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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