Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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