Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
