I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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