He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
