bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
