I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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