More tranny stories later!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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