I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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