my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
