Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
