genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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