I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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