I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
