The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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