you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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