Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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