Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
