if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
