this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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