every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
