Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That's intense
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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