NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
