opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
