just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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