im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
