My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk is not a location!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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