just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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