Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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