if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
