I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
