I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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