so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
